After court, Nick said he was hungry. Everyone pretty much picked up on his suggestion, and we decided to meet somewhere downtown. I wasn’t really paying attention; I was still reeling from my court experience. I had almost been discovered, my evidence had almost been thrown out, the criminal had almost gone free. Almost, but not quite.
Over the fancy lawyer’s shoulder, I had seen my angel. She was smiling at me, urging me on, giving me strength. God, Catherine means so much to me, and I have no idea how to tell her everything. There are so many things I have to come clean with: my feelings for her, my hearing loss.... Quite frankly, it makes me want to run away.
But, this is foolish. I’m a professional with a well-established reputation as being one of the best the Las Vegas’ Crime Lab has ever had. She’s only human, after all. And, I’m secure, I know who I am, I’m grounded and sensible and very intelligent. The one thing I can’t figure out is: how am I going to tell Catherine the truth?
She’s probably the closest friend I’ve had most of my life. She’s never had to push for information, because it’s always been evident, or I’ve always come forward and told her. It’s what friends do. But, I haven’t found a way to tell her these things yet. I owe her more than just dumping it all on her and expecting her to sort through it. I should be able to present the evidence in a clear and orderly fashion; but I can’t.
I turn to look at her. She’s staring off into space. She has her sunglasses on; I’m not sure if she’s looking at me or something beyond me. She’s biting her lip. I’m glad I can’t see her eyes; one look into them, and I’d fall, get swept up, and never return. Looking into those blue depths is like the act of lecanoscopy, staring off into a pool of water until you find yourself hypnotized. She puts me in a trance more often than I’d like to admit.
She licked her lip twice before leaving it alone; at this, I felt electricity shoot up my spine. Every minute around her is a struggle for control.
“Cath?” I ask when she dropped her eyes.
She looks up at me. “Uh, yeah?” She’s biting her lip again. She looks nervous. Why? It’s only me. God, she’s cute when she’s nervous. She’s beautiful anyway, but when she’s caught off-guard, there’s just something that reminds me that she’s human and that she can be affected. “You planning on landing back on earth anytime soon?” I smile at her; it’s easier than telling her the truth, for now.
Am I the only one that noticed her cheeks flushing? I looked around, but no one seemed to pick up on it.
“What were you trying to say?”
“We were going to go to that little restaurant that Sara keeps trying to drag us to. Vegetables run free there.”
She nodded. She was lost again. I wonder what was on her mind.
Sara countered. “Look, so sue me for wanting to eat something other than steak and eggs and—” Nick playfully shoved her, almost causing her to splash herself in a puddle. Everyone laughed but Catherine. I don’t think she noticed.
She turned to face me. Her blonde hair swings around her face in the aftermath of the turn; it shimmers in the sun. Spun gold. Beautiful. “Um, yeah, Gil. That sounds great. You can drive.”
I chuckled. She really was under some sort of spell. “Well, obviously, since it’s my car.”
We part to get into my Tahoe. How am I going to tell her everything? She had to notice that I asked the lawyer to repeat herself three times before I could answer. This isn’t the first time my hearing’s failed me on the job; she’s not blind, or deaf, for that matter. And then, there’s the love thing. I hope I’ve kept this under wraps. I don’t think I could handle the chance of there being rejection.
*So, hey, Cath, I’m going deaf. And I love you.*
No... that isn’t exactly what I’m going for. I think the two things are too much at once. I’ll just tell her the most important thing. Stick with the hearing thing. KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid. Someone taught me that in high school; it’s helped me with work so many times—now, it’s going to help me with this... friendship... Catherine.... love?
*Catherine... have you ever noticed that I haven’t been listening very well lately?*
No... that makes me seem like I’m losing interest in her, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.
*Catherine... I need you.*
Okay, that’s going to frighten her. I mean, I do need her, but it seems soooo heavy. Granted, it’s my hearing on the line, but still... there has to be a better way.
*Catherine... I didn’t mean to hide this from you, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I don’t want to hide it anymore from you, and I hope you can understand why I’ve been acting so bizarrely after I tell you this. I’m losing my hearing. I have the same condition as my mother. It’s been affecting me for quite some time now, and I’m getting worse.... and I’m afraid, and I don’t want to lose you.*
Well, that’s the truth. Still.
I wonder why she’s so quiet.
She’s never quiet. Some of the best conversations we have are when we drive together.
I parked the car in the little parking lot next to the restaurant and we get out, walking next to each other until we get to the door. I open it for her and she leads the way.
She’s so callipygian. I could watch her walking in front of me forever. Her backside is just... perfect. Her hips sway, her back is straight, and then there is her...
I shake my head. Heat isn’t a good thing. Not now. Blood flow, errant thoughts, so many reasons why this isn’t a good thing. The hostess asked if its just us. I told her that there are three others coming. She directed us to a table near the front of the active room. There are a few other people there, maybe fifteen.
We sit down next to each other. “You did really well today, Gil,” her voice was so soft and tender and warm. All I could do was put my hand over hers. The contact was just what I needed. I want to scold myself for being so selfish, but I can’t. Her eyes aren’t protected by her sunglasses anymore, and I find myself looking into them.
Minutes pass.
Finally, I work up the courage to break the silence. “Something on your mind?”
She’s so cute. “I, uh, no, um...” I wonder where her mind was. “No,” she shakes her head, breaking the spell she has on me. “I’m fine. I think. I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you. You saved our asses.”
*And yours is the only one I’m concerned with.* The words almost escaped my lips, but I caught them. I don’t know why I almost let that slip. I’m usually so good with control.
The others arrived, and Catherine slipped her hand away. I missed her immediately. I tried to make eye contact with her several times during the meal, but she kept looking away. She looks nervous. Did I make her uncomfortable? That’s the last thing I wanted to do.
The meal was exhausting. My hearing faded for most of it. I had to read lips the entire time. The guilt of lying to these people was excruciating; however, the fear of their reactions compelled me to hang onto my secret and carry the charade until the end.
When it was time to go, I fished out my keys. Catherine put her hand on them, on my hand. Her touch soothed my frayed nerves. Worry melted away. I made sure to watch her lips so I could understand. She has amazing lips. I wonder what they would taste like...
“Why don’t you let me drive,” I could hear her a little. “You look wiped out.”
It faded again. We walked out together. I saw her exchange with Warrick. They smiled at each other after sharing words. I found myself frowning, jealous of the younger man for a little while. I wondered if she was falling for him several times, but never had the courage to ask her what was going on there. It would’ve drawn attention to my own emotions and insecurities. I’m not ready for that, yet.
We get into my car. She turned the key. I can feel the bass vibrations through my arm that’s resting against the door. Loud, heavy music was playing. I just closed my eyes and willed my ears to work.
When she touched me, I jumped. She looked worried. “Did you want something?”
The light changed. She was watching the road, which made it hard for me to understand her.
“What?” I asked, hoping if she repeated it, I’d understand.
She said a couple things again; in the middle of talking, she turned and looked at me. “Gil, can you hear me?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m losing my hearing, Catherine. Same condition as my mother’s. That’s why I don’t collect evidence anymore. Hearing is so important. It comes and goes, but I have no way of predicting when it will happen.”
That wasn’t exactly the way I had planned it to sound; but it seemed to work.
She didn’t try to say anything else. When we were in her driveway, I could hear things again. “Why don’t you come in? Lindsay’s out, and we could talk and rest.” She rubbed her hand on my shaking arm. I wanted to bury myself in her and seek the solace I so longed for, something to keep the fear away. “I’m here for you.”
“That music is awful.” It had taken me a moment to realize what was playing in the background: noise. She looked at me and was about to say something, but I cut her off. “It’s back. Are you sure you don’t mind spending time—”
She cut me off this time. “Gil Grissom, you should know better than to ask.”
“Yeah,” I felt silly. Spending time together came so natural to us—or at least, to me, it did.
We got out of the car. I needed to feel contact, so I put my arm around her. She leaned against me. “I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you need, I’ll be here for you.”
“I know,” I admitted while she unlocked the door. Her perfume wafted around me. I was being pulled in and she didn’t even know it.
“Did you want something?” She said once we were settled. I had taken my coat off and draped it on a chair. She kept asking questions. “Did you see a doctor? What did he say?”
“He doesn’t have a way to predict how long it’ll be before I’m completely deaf. Could be weeks, could be years.”
I’m lucky to have her, I know; but, I didn’t completely have her. I distracted myself by taking my shoes off, and then I moved to the sofa, sinking in its softness. She kneeled in front of me. Her hands were on my knees. If she moved any closer... I was in Hell. Talking about my weaknesses and being in front of one of them.
“What did you tell Brass?”
“Nothing yet.” I had toyed with the idea of resigning, but I knew it wouldn’t be right to do it on an impulse—or without telling Catherine first. She deserved to know. Our friendship guaranteed that.
“Good.”
“Why ‘Good?’”
She smiled up at me. “I’m afraid you would’ve resigned before fully evaluating the situation.” Whoa. That’s frightening. “So you thought about it, then...” She knew me too well. Maybe she knows how I feel about her?
“Yeah. I’m useless without my hearing.”
“No,” she shook her head. “You’re far from useless.”
I don’t know why I was biting my lip. Maybe for a distraction. It seemed like a good nervous habit to have at the moment. I take her hands in mine. “Thanks, Catherine. It feels good to tell someone.”
She smiled again, larger than the original. She warms my heart. “You kicked ass in that courtroom. A useless person wouldn’t do that. You were my hero.”
My heart was beating faster when she said this. I knew I was blushing. I didn’t know what else to say, but: “Thanks.”
And, then, there was silence. I knew I had to tell her everything. This was my moment. I wouldn’t feel better until I had it all off my chest... all I had to do was open my mouth, and say—”
“I love you, Gil.”
She beat me to it! I was supposed to say it first.
Wait a minute.
She just said she loves me?
She really did.
“I love you, too, Cath,” it was the easiest thing I had said all day. Cupping her chin, I lean down, and kiss her. We pulled apart, and I started to ramble. “I’m not just saying that because I’m—”
“I know,” she cut me off. “Maybe we should move this to my bedroom.”
I haven’t picked anyone up in a long time. This was so easy. She loves me, and I’m taking her to her bedroom.
I can’t believe I was so worried about telling her everything.
She made it so easy.
The End!
