Catherine looked up when Lindsay came into the room. “Hey sweetie.” She saw her daughter was carrying a mug of something that was steaming. “Whatcha got there?”
“You looked upset,” she answered plainly, looking up at her with her big liquid eyes. “I thought come cocoa would cheer you up. I even put marshmallows in it. See?”
The strawberry blonde chuckled and smiled for the first time in a couple days. “Thanks,” she wrapped her arms around the tiny girl and squeezed gently. “I really appreciate this. You did a good job.” She scooted over a little on the sofa, and patted a cushion. “Wanna join me for a little bit?”
“Sure.” After a couple seconds of silence, she asked: “What’s wrong, Mummy?”
She sighed. Her daughter was too young to have to deal with what she was going through. “I just have a lot of stuff on my mind.” Lindsay frowned. Catherine knew it sounded fake, so she decided to try again. “Things at work have been really stressful. I have a huge pile of paperwork that I never see the bottom of, and it’s getting very frustrating. I had an upsetting case, and it’s bugging me.” She took a deep breath to keep the truth from bubbling out. “I miss spending time with you and the other people I love.”
“Like Gil?”
“Honey,” she smiled, wondering where her daughter got her crazy ideas. “I see Gil every night. We work together, remember?”
“You haven’t been there in a couple days. I heard you call in sick.”
She stifled a laugh. She hadn’t known her daughter could pick up details like that and make them fit. “Well, aren’t you smart.” Lindsay grinned, climbing up Catherine’s body for a hug. The older woman stiffened at first contact, but she reprimanded herself, and returned the embrace. “Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you more than anything else in this world.”
“Even more than work?”
“Way more than work.” She kissed her daughter’s cheek. “Would you like to watch a movie?”
Lindsay shook her head. “How about I read to you?”
“If you want to, I’d be thrilled to hear something. Why don’t you run up and get a book? I’ll go find the old quilt and we can cuddle.” Her daughter scampered off. Catherine sighed and stood up, taking the cup of hot beverage with her. Sipping it carefully, she realized Lindsay did a great job making it—although she recognized that it’s dangerous that her young daughter was microwaving things. She knew she’d have to mention that to her eventually.
The phone rang, making her file the mental note away. “Hello?”
“Catherine!” She heard her boss’s voice on the line. “Are you alright?”
She wanted to break down, but it wasn’t the time or the place, and she thought she was handling herself quite well. “Yes, I’m fine. Lindsay hasn’t been feeling well lately, so I decided to take a couple days off and take care of her. I can’t depend on family and babysitters all the time.”
“Of course,” he responded. “I completely understand. I was concerned. You didn’t call me personally, and just left messages at the front desk, and—”
She cut him off. She hated not telling him what was going on inside her head; she hoped he’d understand. “I just wanted to make sure you would get the message,” she tried to make her voice sound light. “I didn’t know if you’d check your messages or not, so I figured the switchboard was the best way to go.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
He replied. “I didn’t know what else to say, and figured I should say something. Oh seemed to be all I could muster up.” She chuckled dryly. He asked: “When are you coming back?”
She looked down at her wrist, the shade of greenish-yellow signifying the bruises were healing nicely. “I think Lindsay and I are going to go see the doctor tomorrow, and if she gets a cleaner bill of health, I should be able to leave her with my sister and come back tomorrow night.” She found herself smiling. “Did you miss me?”
“I never realized how much I depended on you,” was all he said before telling her that he hoped her daughter felt better.
“Thanks, Gil,” she turned around and saw her daughter standing there impatiently, her arms crossed in front of her. “I should probably go, but I’ll try to make it back tomorrow.”
“Tell Lindsay she can come by and see my bugs sometime. Maybe that’ll help her recover.”
His warmth astonished her. “Thanks. I will tell her. See you soon.”
She hung up the phone and looked at Lindsay, whose mouth opened and voice boomed: “You lied to Uncle Gil!”
~*~
Catherine nodded slowly, realizing her daughter wasn’t very thrilled with her. “I know, sweetie, and I’m sorry about it, really, I am, but there are some things he doesn’t need to worry himself with.” She scooped her up into her arms and carried her back to the living room. “He has a life of his own, with people and things to worry himself about.”
“But you’re one of those people.”
She could be so smart sometimes, it killed Catherine to downplay her relationship with her boss. She and Gil had a relationship that she hadn’t had in a long time with a man. She felt safe, he didn’t threaten her, and she didn’t have to dance for him to pay her bills. He made her feel intelligent and powerful in the office and when she needed to talk to him, he was always there. Dependable, trustworthy, intelligent, wise... the list went on, but Catherine knew it did no use to name off his good qualities; they never did him justice.
She faked a yawn, hoping to start something. “I’m getting sleepy. You better start reading to me before I fall asleep...”
“Okay, okay,” Lindsay picked the book up off the coffee table, and started reading. It wasn’t long before she heard her mother’s deep breathing and saw her closed eyelids.
~*~
Gil shut his phone off, and looked at it, shaking his head. Catherine was a puzzle to him, even when he thought he had her mostly figured out. He didn’t know if she was telling the truth or not; usually, he was able to accept everything she said because he knew it came from a very honest place, but this time he wasn’t sure where the words were coming from. True, it sounded like Catherine, but it wasn’t the noise she usually made.
“Gris?”
He looked up. Warrick was in his open doorway. “Hey, Warrick, what can I do for you?”
The darker male tapped his wristwatch. “Gonna come by and hand out our assignments?”
“Oh, right,” Gil nodded, wondering why he had let his mind distract him from his schedule. “Yeah, I’m ready to go. I just had to make a call.”
“How is she?”
“What?”
Warrick shook his head as they walked down the hall to the conference room. “Catherine. Willows. She works here. She’s really smart, she’s got a child that seems to like your bugs, and,” he paused for effect. “You think she’s hot. Ringing any bells?”
“Yes, I know who you’re talking about. And,” he paused the same way Warrick did. “I don’t think she’s ‘hot.’” They had stopped at the open door to the conference room. Sara, Nick, and Jim were sitting around the table looking up at Gil with curious, all-seeing eyes. He felt ambushed, his cheeks flushing a little bit. “She’s fine, by the way. She told me Lindsay was sick, and that’s why she took time off work.”
A chorus of Oh’s filled the room. Gil looked at Brass, who handed him a couple of files. He flipped through them briefly before speaking. “Nick and Sara, you’ll take this... it’s an attempted robbery in one of the vaults; the guy got away, but killed some guard in the process. The casino’s owner wants him caught, he’ll probably give you full support. Should be an easy night.” He held onto the other one. “Warrick, you want any help?”
He grinned. “You don’t have a stack of papers you’d rather be buried under?”
Gil shook his head. “I think it can wait. We’ve got a body on a running trail.”
“Joy oh bliss.” Warrick tapped his hands on the desk twice before standing up, ready to go.
Gil was about to follow him, but he paused to look at the others. “Any other business?”
Brass shook his head. “Quiet administration day.”
“That’s nice.”
Warrick followed Gil after he grabbed his coat. He knew that Gil would want to drive. Gil always drove. “Is it just a cold?”
“What?” He pushed on the remote and unlocked the vehicle’s doors. “What are you talking about?”
He rolled his beautiful eyes after getting inside his boss’ car. “This is getting old. Lindsay. Daughter of your hottest CSI. Is it just a cold?”
“She’s not hot,” Gil protested uselessly. He knew Warrick would probably see through his words; any man with eyes would. Catherine had the ability to warm an entire room up just by walking into it. She made Gil think of hot summer nights and tall glasses of sweet tea, when he allowed himself to think like a man, and not her employer. “And, I think so. She was going to take her to the doctor tomorrow to make sure she was okay. She hoped she’d be back tomorrow. That’s all she told me.”
“You know she is.”
“Warrick.... you’re pushing my buttons.”
Warrick chuckled. “Sorry, boss.”
Gil smiled. “Keep that in mind. I am your boss.”
The two men drove off towards their crime scene, laughing.
~*~
His hands grabbed her. It wasn’t Eddie, there wasn’t any alcohol on his breath. She tried to struggle, but he had her subdued; a hand on her neck kept her firmly in place. He chuckled and held her down, ripping her skirt, and calling her names. She remembered that he had a knife. A big, shiny knife. She tried to struggle, but he cut her shirt open and then scratched the blade across her breasts. She didn’t dare struggle after that. She didn’t want to leave Lindsay without any parent. She didn’t want to leave. She laid there and waited for him to be done with her. It was all she could do.
“Mummy?”
Catherine’s eyes popped open, water slowly spilling down her cheeks. “What’s wrong sweetie?” She brushed her face with her hands as she sat up, hoping she wouldn’t notice the tears. “Couldn’t sleep? You know it’s a Saturday.”
“I heard you crying. I thought...”
“I’m not hurt, baby,” she picked her daughter up and set her on the bed with her. “I was just having a really bad dream.”
“Can we make pancakes?”
“We certainly can.”
“Those always cheer me up,” Lindsay grinned, playing with her mother’s hair. “Maybe those will cheer you up, too.” She kissed her mother’s cheek and scrambled down onto the floor. She took off for the door, calling out over her shoulder: “I’ll go get the ‘gredients. You have ten minutes!”
Catherine chuckled. She struggled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. She decided she’d take a quick shower, so she could take Lindsay to the park after to meet her friends. One of the girls’ mothers had offered to take her for the night, so Catherine could have some quiet time. The warm water felt good, although not cleaning herself to her liking. She felt dirty, no matter how she tried to hide it or wash it away. The scratch over her breasts still stung when she washed it. Her body ached from the struggle her mind couldn’t forget. She washed her hair and turned the water off.
Stepping out of the shower, she caught her reflection in the mirror. She looked like a ghost of her former self—her eyes were dull, and there were shadows underneath them; her lips were bitten and chapped; her posture hid her from even her reflection. She was tired and hurt.
“Muuuuuum!”
She put a robe on, worried that something had happened to her daughter. She rushed out into the hall and down into the kitchen and living room. Standing in the door, Gil looked exhausted and concerned and so warm and friendly. She stopped abruptly. “Hey there, Gil. What are you doing here?”
He held up a small plastic fish tank. Inside, she knew she would find bugs. “I brought these for Lindsay. She looks better.”
*Oh boy* Catherine exhaled long and slowly. Lindsay looked up at her, the expression on her face somewhere between ‘Am I in trouble?’ and ‘Are they gonna fight?’ She smiled down at the blonde. “Lindsay, sweetie, why don’t you take that container from Uncle Gil and go set it in the kitchen. Don’t open the lid, but you can look at them, okay?”
“Okay.”
When she was on the other side of the floor, Gil didn’t shut the door; instead, he motioned towards the small porch. “If I talk,” he asked, “Will you listen?”
“Of course.”
~*~
Gil had picked the most entertaining insects he had, and put them in the container Lindsay had given him for Christmas last year. He thought she’d appreciate that. He thought about bringing Catherine a flower, but he didn’t think she’d want to see the value in the gesture.
The drive to her place seemed excruciating. He didn’t know when his feelings for Catherine had changed, but they had and he couldn’t do anything about them. He accepted that she would never feel that way, and he decided to just savour the frustrations and continue their solid friendship.
After parking the car, he had to fight the urge to run to her door. He walked, calmly and slowly, and rang the bell. Lindsay answered the door. “Uncle Gil!” She opened the door and hugged him when he bent down to offer her an embrace. “You brought bugs. In my blue fish tank!” She squeezed him again. “I like it when you visit.”
“You’re not sick?”
“Nope,” she frowned, shaking her head. “I think Mum might’ve told you a lie. She sleeps a lot, and we eat take out. I got to pay the pizza guy last night.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear you two are alright.”
“She’s not,” Lindsay kept talking. “She sleeps and cries all the time.”
“Is she here?”
“Oh, yeah, we were going to make pancakes. Muuuuuuum!”
Gil almost wished his hearing had faded so he didn’t get that loud cry in his ear. He fought a grimace, and stood up. When Catherine came in, wet from a shower, he felt a pull of desire that he suppressed when he saw the cold look in her eyes.
“Hey there, Gil. What are you doing here?” She shifted her weight and crossed her arms across her chest.
He wanted to ask so many questions, but held back in front of her daughter. It wouldn’t be appropriate. Instead, he held up the container: “I brought these for Lindsay. She looks better.”
Catherine told her daughter to take them into the kitchen. Then, when Gil suggested, she followed him outside. It was a nice enough day out. Gil wanted to be in bed, but he could afford to be a little off schedule, especially for a good friend.
“What are you going to tell me?”
He breathed in deeply. “That I’m here for you. Whatever you’re going through that has you looking like the victim of wartime tragedies, it won’t change how I look at or think of you. We’ve been friends for a long time. I don’t want to lose you.” He shrugged. “That, and if you leave me forever, I won’t know how to handle Greg... or Nick, for that matter.”
Catherine chuckled. It was the first time the sound didn’t come off as constrained; even on the phone she seemed distant. This sound came from beside him and it was real. “Thank you.”
“Cath...”
“I know...” she sighed. “Okay. A few nights ago, I was attacked.”
“Attacked?” He felt his heart tighten in his chest. She told him to quiet down, because she didn’t want to worry Lindsay. “Are you alright? Did you report it?”
She shook her head. “No. I know it was foolish not to, please don’t give me that lecture. I just wanted to forget it had happened. He pissed me off.”
Gil gave her an easy lopsided smile. “I can imagine he would. DId he hurt you?”
“Bumps and bruises.” He saw her close off again, but didn’t push it. “Did you want to stay for breakfast? After, I was going to take Lindsay to the park. She’s staying with friends tonight. We could nap, take it easy, and then head to work together, if you want to spend the day with me? I don’t mind being alone, but the silence scares me.”
He completed the smile. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was good enough, and he knew to value the fact that she confessed everything to him first. “Sure. What’s on the menu?”
“Pancakes.”
“Perfect. Just let me grab my pajamas out of the car.” He always kept an overnight bag in his car, just in case. He had been a Boy Scout once, and it stayed with him forever. They stood up together; he looked at her and smiled. “Thank you for telling me the truth. I really appreciate it.”
“I’m glad I have you in my life, Gil.”
“Me, too.”
~*~
The three sat around the small kitchen table, eating and making small talk. Catherine tried to find out what was going on at work, but Gil really didn’t have anything for her. She wondered if he was trying to keep the mood relaxed by not mentioning work, or if there really wasn’t anything going on.
Gil gave Lindsay a fun science lesson surrounding the bugs while Catherine went to get dressed. Jogging pants and a zip-up hoodie sweater, a pair of comfortable sandals, sunglasses. She made sure that she didn’t roll the sleeves up, so Gil wouldn’t notice the discoloration on her wrists. She kept the sweater zipped up enough so he would never see the scratch.
She had lied. She knew that by not telling him the entire story she lied, but she didn’t want to have the way he looked at her change. If his eyes didn’t meet hers anymore, she knew she’d fall apart. He was so important to her. She didn’t want him to think poorly of her. She knew some people acted different around rape victims; granted, Gil hadn’t treated her much differently in the way of distancing himself from her when he found out that Eddie had been beating her.
“Cath?”
She looked up from her food. “Yeah?”
“Can Lindsay stop by the office sometime and see my spider?”
She smiled. She didn’t know why Gil was being so good about everything. Normally, if she kept something from him, he sulked about it for a little while before things returned to normal. “Of course. As long as she won’t be imposing.”
“Of course not,” he ruffled her blonde hair with his hand on the top of her head. “She’s too cute to impose, just like her mother.”
Catherine blushed. Lindsay grinned. “Hear that Mum? I’m like you!”
She grinned and nodded. “Yes, Honey, I’m glad to hear you’re growing up to be a strong, capable—”
“Cute!”
“—cute—” she added with a roll of her eyes, “—woman.” She forced herself to laugh, trying to hide the rosy hue in her cheeks. “Gil, you flatter her too much. She’ll come to expect that sort of behavior all the time now.”
“I think I can find some more where that one came from,” he winked at the child, making her grin. Catherine didn’t know how she was so lucky to find such an incredible friend that loved her daughter almost as if she were his own. “Lindsay, we can go whenever it works out for you and your mother.”
“Goody. I hope that’s soon.”
Catherine took a sip of her wine. “I’m sure it will be.”
“What time do you have to take her to the park?” Gil asked between bites of the strawberries and whipped cream and pancakes.
She glanced at the clock on the microwave, calculating approximately how much time they had left together. “In about forty-five minutes. A little less than that.”
Lindsay was done eating, sitting back in the chair, rubbing her stomach. “Good. I can’t eat any more.”
“Gonna go work it all off, huh?”
She nodded. “Gotta stay cute.”
Gil shook his head. “You’re always cute. Remember, Lindsay, it’s not always what’s on the outside that counts. The insides can be just as beautiful.”
“Like guts?”
“No,” he corrected. “Like your mind.”
“But brains are squishy and like guts.”
He continued to try to prove his point. “No, silly, I mean your feelings, what you think, what you know, what you believe in... all that stuff. It’s just as cute as the rest of you. Don’t ever let anyone try to tell you otherwise.”
Lindsay’s eyebrows furrowed, as if she were actually considering what he said. Catherine fought to keep her jaw from dropping open in surprise. Gil had managed to weasel in a values discussion without either of them really noticing that they had been slipped into it. “Okay.” She looked at Catherine. “Can I go get ready now?”
She nodded. “Brush your teeth, wash your face, and I’ll help you get dressed if you want.”
“Nah, I’ve got it under control.”
“Alright. Call for me if you need any help.”
As she walked by Gil, he tilted his head towards her and pointed to his cheek. “Gotta pay the toll to cross the bridge.”
Lindsay planted a kiss on his cheek, leaving sticky whipped cream on his face. She bounced off and left the adults alone. Catherine handed him a napkin. “I’ll get you a washcloth in a minute.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re so good with her.”
“At first,” he admitted. “I didn’t think I’d know how to relate to her. I think I was always an adult,” he smiled at her, “But, she’s such a great kid that she makes it easy. She’s so much like you. You’ve raised her very well. I’m proud.”
She felt herself blushing again. “Gil, stop, you’ve made me blush twice already.”
“Didn’t know it was so easy,” he grinned. He stood up and took her plate with his to the sink, rinsing the sticky mess off of each one to have them ready for the dishwasher. When she thanked him for the help, he put a hand up in protest. “No need. I would’ve done this at home around now. Might as well do it here.” He came up behind her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened at the contact, willing him to take his hands away. “Tense?”
“Something like that,” she answered. “I’m a little sore from all of that stuff.”
He lifted his hands. “Maybe you should take a bath when we get back. I’ll even run it for you.”
“I’ve never expected you to do any of those things before, Gil,” she responded, turning down his offer while turning to face him. “I’m capable of doing it on my own.”
His eyes widened. Immediately she wanted to apologize but she didn’t know how; he was talking before she had a chance to look for the words. “I realize that. I didn’t mean to make you feel incapable. I just want to help.”
She kept her eyes from his. This, she knew, would be one of those perfect times to curl up next to him and tell him the truth—the whole truth. But, she was afraid things between them would change. “I know. I appreciate it all, really. I just—” she stopped, unsure of what she would say. She tried again. “I know I need to lean on someone, and I know I’m lucky that it’s you. I don’t like leaning on people, Gil.”
“i know. I’m trying to make it easier on you.”
“Thanks.”
He smiled, recognizing her gratitude. “Let’s go get your daughter to the park, so we can get ready for work.”
~*~
Gil watched Catherine and Lindsay go up to meet the ladies and their children. Lindsay was dragging her mother to the destination, twenty feet away, and Catherine tried to keep up, but Gil understood that it was sometimes futile to keep up—their energy supply was too high, sometimes it was better to be the slower adult and have energy to see it through to the end of the day.
He didn’t know where his feelings for Catherine really lay. He knew he loved her, and he did think she was ‘hot,’ as Warrick told him, but he didn’t know if it was enough. Love came in many forms; he hadn’t been in love with a woman for a while, and he found it difficult to tell what kind of love it was.
But, it was a love that was going to help her heal and move on. He knew he would always be there for her, no matter what she was going through. Especially with this new ordeal, he knew he wouldn’t leave her side until she could stand completely on her own.
Catherine shook hands with the women, kissed Lindsay, who waved at Gil when her mother turned and headed back to the Tahoe. He waved back, not speaking until Catherine was with him. “I just have to stop at the grocery store,” he told her. “Then, I can take you home.”
“Sure.”
They got into his car, and drove away. In ten minutes, they were at his favorite store in that neighbour. A generic supermarket, containing several small specialty restaurant counters. He wanted to pick something up that they could eat later, before going to work. “Are you going to come with me?”
She shook her head. “If it’s all the same to you, I think I might rest my eyes for a second.”
“Alright,” he smiled. “That works out. This way you can’t tell what I’m buying.”
She chuckled as he left. He wasn’t gone more than fifteen minutes, but his arms were filled with brown grocery bags. He was appreciative when she leaned over and opened the back door for him. “Thanks.”
“You weren’t gone long,” she sniffed the air. “But it smells really good. What is it?”
He wagged a finger at her. “Patience—”
“—young grasshopper,” she joked. “I know, I know.”
He got back into the driver’s seat and started the car. “You’ll fall in love with me when I unveil my surprise later,” he smirked. “Completely head over heels, and you’ll begin to wonder what you’ll do without me.” He didn’t know what possessed him to joke like that, but it made her smile. This smile was different than all of the others; it was warm and giving and open, unlike all the others he had seen that day that had been closed and disconnected. “Mark my words.”
“I’ve never not believed you,” she kept smiling, leaning back in the seat to look at him.
“Just trust me in your hands,” he told her gently. “You’ll have a great day.”
She chuckled a little. “Great. I could use one of those, really.”
As he drove back to her house, he started to formulate a plan. First, the bath, and then a long nap. They could both use one. He was figuring out how to put together the day, what items he would use when, and so on. A movie and dinner later; he bought lasagna and garlic bread and a chocolate cake. He knew there would be enough leftover for Lindsay later on.
Catherine was going through a lot. He valued her and wanted her to know that. Briefly, he wondered if she would think he was sending a different message, but he knew she would appreciate the pampering, and he hoped that’s all that she saw it as. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself. This day was for her.
~*~
“Gil?” She put her hands up and felt the blindfold. It was a silk scarf of hers he had asked to borrow.
“Mmm?”
“What are you doing?”
“Part of your surprise,” he answered simply, infuriating her beyond belief. She was itching with curiosity and she didn’t like feeling confined. When the knot was secured, he stepped back. “Alright.” He walked in front of her. “I’m going to lead you somewhere. Take my hand.”
She tentatively slipped a hand into his and allowed him to lead her off. He was humming softly; she found it soothing, feeling his presence so close to her. She wondered what he was up to; she really disliked surprises.
Cold tiles under her feet told her she was in her bathroom. She sighed in relief and she heard Gil whoosh around her. “You can take the blindfold off now.” The door shut behind her; she heard it click.
She put her hands up and slowly pulled the fabric down. Gasps and tears followed. A collection of candles lit her room in soft light; the tub was filled with bubbles; rose-scented incense was burning. A note was taped to her mirror: “Take all the time you need, Cath,” it read, “When you’re done, go into your room for the second part of your special gift. I’m going to be sleeping on your sofa. Wake me when you’re hungry, Gil.” She brushed her fingers over the paper slowly, wondering what the strange feeling in her stomach was. She felt so many things, good and bad, it was hard to sort every emotion out.
Undressing slowly to accommodate her sore body, she looked longingly at the warm bath. She slid into it, loving the feeling of the water lapping at her weary body. The bubbles were rose-scented, too. She sighed and yawned, content for the time being. She knew she was going to owe Gil when she finally made it out of this psychological mess.
This was heaven. For a little while, she was able to let her mind drift away; nothing bad haunted her and she felt at peace. She even started to drift off into a light sleep.
He came back. He was chasing her bloody and beaten body with his knife. He was yelling mean things at her and she was running and crying. She didn’t know how he had found her—she wasn’t in that parking lot any more and it wasn’t even night. Broad daylight. He had tracked her down and found her.....
Her eyes popped open, breathing laboured. The water was cooling down, it couldn’t keep the haunting chill away. She waited until her system leveled off before getting out of the tub. She toweled off and put her robe on. After blowing the candles out, she opened the door.
She didn’t know if it was wrong to hope Gil was in her bed when she got in there. She felt her teeth chatter, she didn’t want to be left alone ever again. Silently reprimanding herself for the feelings of dependance, she pushed her bedroom door open. Rose petals on her bed, candles burning, the blinds closed. She felt tears threatening to fall.
Without a thought, she turned and went into the living room. Gil was sleeping peacefully, although his brow was furrowed. She put a finger on his forehead, wondering what he was dreaming about to make him look so pensive. He opened his eyes slowly after she caressed his cheek. “Cath? You ok?”
“More than okay. I wanted to ask if you wanted half of the bed.” He looked at her cautiously. “I didn’t want you sleeping out here, especially after the great treatment I’m getting. Besides, you look beat. A bed would be helpful.” She offered him a hand. He took it and lifted himself up. Together they walked to the bedroom. “I really liked all of this. I will repay you someday.”
“I didn’t do it for reimbursement, Cath,” he spoke, his voice thick with sleep. “I wanted to help you feel better. That’s all.”
She squeezed his hand. “I’m trying to be appreciative.”
“You don’t think I already know you are?” He lifted an eyebrow. “Believe me, by tonight, you’ll be putty in my hands. You won’t have enough words to express your appreciation.”
She widened her eyes. “Big words. Tall order.”
He smiled. “I know.”
”Get into bed,” she directed. “I’m gonna go get changed. I’ll be back in a second.”
“Which side do you want?”
“Whichever has more rose petals on it,” she winked before leaving the room.
~*~
Gil Grissom was going mad. Catherine was curled up under his arm, against his right side. They had been sleeping soundly for several hours, but after the fourth, he noticed that she was twitching and rocking and making tiny noises. He knew she was dreaming, but he didn’t know what about.
“No....” He opened his eyes and turned to study her. He briefly wondered how she had wound up at his side, as when she had gone to bed they were on very separate sides of the mattress. The topic of her dream concerned him more. “No... not my shirt...” Catherine’s hands pushed against Gil’s ribcage in a drowsy movement. “Keep that away... NO!” She bolted up grasping for breath, her hands at her chest.
“Catherine?” He said her name a few times until he got her attention. “Cath, you were having a nightmare. Are you okay?”
She blinked twice before looked at him. “Gil?”
“Yes, I’m here. Do you want me to get—” She put a hand on his arm, and pushed him back down onto the bed.
“Hold me. At least until I fall asleep, if you don’t want to, or don’t feel comfortable enough....” He assured her with words he thought were too weak that he would hold her the entire time they were sleeping. “Be my dream catcher...”
Gil held her, waited until her breathing became deep and even. He watched her, wondering what was going on behind those beautiful blue eyes. He was comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. He knew her, and their trust was an unshakable pillar to lean upon; he loved her, and being so close without sharing his feelings with her was shaking his soul.
He pressed his lips to her temple. “I’m not going anywhere.” The words fell on sleeping ears, but it felt good to vocalize his feelings.
~*~
“Catherine Willows,” Warrick greeted the strawberry-blonde in the locker room. “How are you doing?”
She gave him a smile. It was easier to lie, she was discovering, than admitting she felt horrible. “Not too bad, Warrick Brown.”
“How’s Lindsay feeling?”
“She’s fine,” Catherine smiled. “Thanks for asking.”
“We were worried,” he admitted. “The Wild Cat taking time off? We all missed you,” he flashed her an easy grin. “Besides, Greg was off the hook. No one handles him better than you do.” Catherine chuckled. “I thought Gris’ was gonna pop a vein or something.”
Sara Sidle came in, carrying her coat and bag in her arms. “Hey, guys. Glad to see you back, Catherine. How’s Lindsay?”
“She’s great. Gil brought some bugs over yesterday for her to play with. That boosted her spirits.”
“Watch out for that stuff,” Warrick joked. “I hear it’s hard to raise scientists.”
Sara shot him a look. “Hey, now, we’re not that hard to deal with. Besides, bugs weren’t my thing.”
Catherine was glad to be distracted, even if it was only for a little while. After they put their private effects away, they walked out together, meeting Nick and Gil in the hall. Warrick clapped his hands. “Yo Gris, the hot CSI is back in action.”
Their supervisor shot him a look, gulping heavily. “’Yo,’ Warrick? Is that a word?”
He chuckled. Catherine looked at Gil and raised an eyebrow. Warrick answered, “Yeah, it’s street slang. A greeting of sorts. Common among urban people.”
“Ahhh,” he nodded and smiled. Everyone knew that was Gil’s humour, and they chuckled or shook their heads and smiled as they walked to the conference room. Inside, Jim Brass was waiting for them. “Yo, Jim,” the group giggled; Jim raised an eyebrow. “What cases do we have tonight?”
They all sat down, Gil sitting next to Catherine. She sighed, wondering if he was hanging around to protect her. “I’m fine you know,” she whispered. “You don’t have to babysit me.”
“I know you’re fine. I wanted to give my legs a rest, if that’s okay,” he hissed back. Nick looked at both of them from his position across the table. Catherine turned her head back to face Jim, trying to return her focus to his speech.
She glanced at him sideways. “You think I’m hot?”
“Sure.”
She tilted her head. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Grissom,” Jim addressed him. “I want you and Sara to handle a rape,” he slid the case file their way, “Victim was attacked in a supermarket parking lot on the other side of town. Didn’t even get a chance to buy her food.”
Sara raised her eyebrows. “Don’t they usually wait until their arms are full with bags? It would make them an easier target.”
“Striking while the iron’s hot,” Gil muttered. “Why are you putting me on this?”
“You haven’t been out in a while,” he shrugged, explaining his actions. “Plus, I don’t want Sara alone at night, in case he comes back. Nick’s got his trick roll, and Warrick and Catherine are busy with preparing for court.”
Gil nodded, accepting the answer. Catherine wondered why he wasn’t thrilled to be out in the field, but she wouldn’t ask in public. That was a conversation for another time, behind closed doors. She sensed it was a serious matter to her friend, and she didn’t want to bring everyone’s focus onto his situation.
They were dismissed. Catherine and Warrick went to the layout room to go over all of their evidence in a murder case. They were being used to put the defendant in jail; Catherine was glad that she was able to help put another criminal behind bars. She was also glad she didn’t have to process a new crime scene.
~*~
“Warrick? Where’s Catherine?”
He looked up. “I don’t know, Gris. I’ve been looking for her for a little while now. She got real spooked and took off.”
Gil felt his heart thudding loudly in his chest. “Spooked?”
The darker man nodded. “We were working, and decided to take a break. We were walking through the building, and passed a couple interrogation rooms. She started to shake; I thought she wasn’t feeling well and tried to guide her to a chair. She spooked and ran away. I thought I heard her crying. I’ve checked pretty much every room in this joint. Haven’t found her yet.”
“Did you page her?”
“Yeah, she didn’t answer her phone.”
“Damn,” he rubbed his chin. “Which room were you in front of?”
“Sara was inside, with a whitey. He was about 30, I guess. Scruffy, too.”
“That’s our rapist,” Gil muttered under his breath, deep in thought. “Which way did she go?”
“Towards the stairs.”
“Thanks, Warrick. If you find her, call me, would you?”
He nodded. “Sure, of course. Is she okay?”
Gil’s voice was quiet. “Don’t say anything to the others about this.”
He turned on his heel and went straight to his office. The door was locked, which he thought was strange; but, he didn’t really think anything of it. He might’ve pushed the lock in by mistake. After opening the door, he turned the dim lights on and went to his office. He turned his stereo on, but didn’t hear the music. His hearing had faded again. He cursed, and shook his head, rubbing his temples.
“At least I made it in time,” he cursed his condition, but was grateful for his timing. He sat down in his chair and closed his eyes, waiting for his ears to start working again.
Minutes passed. On his belt, he could feel his phone vibrating; however, he couldn’t hear it ringing, so he let it go without being answered. He sat patiently, waiting for his hearing to return.
~*~
Catherine had been in Gil’s office for ten minutes, ten long minutes that seemed like an eternity. She sobbed until her eyes were dry, until her lungs were starved for air. His office was the only place she felt safe, and she knew he would be questioning his witness for some time and wouldn’t be coming by anytime soon.
She and Warrick had been walking through the building, trying to relax, when she spotted him. He was sitting at the table, looking at her through the glass. When he recognized her, he grinned. It was a cruel and malicious grin, a reminder of how he violated her. Warrick had tried to console her, but he didn’t know what was wrong, and she didn’t want any help. She just wanted to be alone.
And, she had been alone, until Gil came in. He didn’t hear her sniffling, which was something she tried to keep under wraps because she didn’t want to get caught. He walked straight to his desk, turned his stereo on, and sat down, rubbing his temples. He muttered under his breath: “At least I made it in time.” His phone rang ten times, but he didn’t move to answer it.
She wondered if he knew where she was, or even if he had heard she vanished. She didn’t know how she was going to explain this to him; she was so afraid he’d never look at her the same way again. Rape changes more than the victim, she knew, and she didn’t know what she’d do if her relationship with Gil changed.
Suddenly, he looked up. She froze on the floor, near his shelves, afraid that she was going to be discovered. His phone rang, and this time he answered it. “Grissom. Hey, Warrick. Yes, I’ve found her. Get Sara to finish with the rapist. I’ll be down in a bit.” He hung the phone up and put it on his desk. “Catherine,” he spoke softly. “I know you’re in here.”
He stood up and walked to her. She knew she was still sniffling a little, so it was probable that was how he tracked her. “You found me,” she shrugged, wiping at her face. “Now what?”
“How about,” he offered her a hand to get up, “We sit down on my sofa, and talk about what has you so upset?”
“I don’t know...”
“Look, from what Warrick told me, you’re either not telling me everything that had happened, or you’re not healing and moving on like you’re supposed to.”
She sighed as they sat down. “How about both...”
“What happened?”
She shrugged. “I really don’t want to talk about this, Gil. It’ll change so much.”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
He touched her shoulder; she flinched. “I’m not going anywhere. Talk to me, Cath, please.”
“The guy you have in there... the rapist...” She started. “He’s the guy who attacked me.”
“Did he rape you?”
She looked away, covering her mouth as fresh sobs wracked her body. “I was in the parking lot, going to get groceries. Lindsay was complaining about how we didn’t have any good cereals left. Nothing with sugar. He grabbed me, knocked me up against the car, took out a knife and cut me with it, threatening to kill me. When he was done, he kicked me once, and walked away.”
“C’m’ere,” he offered, extending his arms. She fell into them, feeling safe, acceptable, male contact for the first time since it happened. She continued to cry, leaving tear marks on his sweater. “I’m going to help you get through this, Cath. Lean on me.”
“I’m still standing,” she said, pulling back. “I’m getting through this just by being alive.”
“You call this alive? You’re afraid, upset, hurt, abused... a shell of what you used to be.”
She shook her head. She didn’t want a lecture. She wanted to curl up and forget the real world existed. “Gil, don’t lecture me.”
“You have to face this, head on. If you want, I’ll be there every step of the way. No one else needs to know. This guy is going away for a string of rapes committed in the area, he’s not going to get anyone else. He can’t hurt you anymore. Don’t let him.”
She nodded. “I know. I just... I feel...” No words were appropriate. She had no idea how to express herself. “I’m lost.”
“Don’t stay lost. You have so many people that love you, none of us want to see you disappear.” He paused. “What can I do?”
“Don’t run away,” she requested. “I need you to not get weird.”
“As long as you are honest and open with me,” he bargained. “No more hiding. Tell me whatever you have to, but don’t shut me out.”
She offered her hand. “Deal.” He held her hand, they shook on the bargain, and they still held hands. “Can you take a little time and just—” She stopped speaking because he had adjusted his position and opened his arms. “Thanks.” She slid into his embrace, shaking at first, but then she calmed. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Me, neither,” he smiled down at her, running a hand through her hair. At first, him touching her was frightening. She knew that had it been anyone else doing this, she would’ve run away a long time ago. Because it was Gil, because she trusted him with her life, it was safe and acceptable touching.
She looked up at him. “Why didn’t you answer your phone right away?”
He shook his head. “It’s not important.”
“Gil...”
“We will talk about this later, I promise,” his eyes looked deep into hers. “But, right now, you have a lot on your mind. I don’t want to be an additional burden.”
“Gil...”
He pressed the issue. “When you’re feeling better, I promise I’ll tell you everything.”
She nodded, and closed her eyes. She felt herself drifting away, and soon, sleep overcame her exhausted body. She heard Gil chuckling to himself, but didn’t respond. Darkness swallowed her up, no dreams in sight.
~*~
Catherine looked at the clock, pacing on her carpet in the living room. Gil was ten minutes late. It wasn’t like him at all. He had been spending lots of time at their house, mostly because Catherine was still having a hard time. She knew she owed him. This evening was supposed to be her chance to pay him back. He said he was going to bring some wine to go with supper. She had been cooking. He was supposed to be here by now.
“When’s Uncle Gil coming?”
She turned and looked at her daughter. “I don’t know, Sweetie. He said he’d be here any minute. I don’t know what’s keeping him.”
“Did you tell him the truth yet?”
She nodded. “Yes, I did.”
“Good. Was he angry cuz you lied?”
“Nope,” she smiled. “He forgave me.”
“Good.”
“Did you get the rose petals and everything ready for him?”
Catherine turned back from her position in the window, and looked at her daughter. Honestly, sometimes, Lindsay could surprise her mother with how much she knew and could put together. “How did you know about the rose petals?”
“I saw them when I came home.”
“Oh.”
“Did you do something like that for him tonight?”
“No, not yet. I didn’t have any good ideas,” she answered. “Maybe some other time you can help me plan a night for him? Alright?”
Lindsay grinned as headlights shone through their front window. “He’s here!” Catherine scooped her daughter up, not wanting her to overwhelm Gil when he came through the door. She felt her heart beat a little faster when she sees him get out of his car, walking towards her house. Things were changing between them, it seemed, and she was always wondering what way their relationship would go.
Since the rape, since admitting she had been raped, Gil hadn’t changed at all. There were times when we was more protective of her—for instance, giving Nick or Warrick or Sara any other rape cases, or when she was feeling a little overwhelmed, he made sure she go rest—but for the most part, he had been as constant as she had hoped he’d be.
He opened the door and entered her home. Lindsay squirmed and begged to be dropped so she could hug him and say hello. After giving Gil a ‘you asked for it’ look, she let her daughter go.
“Uncle Gil!”
He enveloped her in a huge hug, picking her up in his arms and swinging her around. “Lindsay! How’s my favorite girl doing?”
“I’m good.”
“Good.”
“Am I still cute?”
Catherine laughed at Gil’s expression; his eyes bugged out of his head, and he had this silly grin pasted on his face. “How could a sweet, innocent girl like you not be cute? You take after your mother, besides.”
She grinned as Gil kissed her cheek. “Now, let me put you down so I can see your mother.”
Lindsay complied happily. Catherine held his hands when he came near to kiss her cheek. “Hey, Gil. I’m glad you could make it.”
“It’s practically tradition, Cath,” he smiled when he lifted his blue eyes into hers. “Besides, you threatened to cook. I had to be here to see this feat.”
“Hey now, I can cook,” she pouted, pretending to look really hurt. She smiled again when he wrapped an arm around her, swaying them both. “It’s gonna be good, too.”
“I believe you.” Lindsay scampered off to go get something for Gil to look at. In the time they were alone, he took a deep breath and confessed: “I have something to tell you later. I want to chicken out. Don’t let me.”
She nodded, wondering what it was about. Before she could ask, Lindsay came back. She looked at Gil, pleading silently with him to tell her; she didn’t know how much longer she could wait to hear what was so important.
~*~
Supper had been really delicious. Gil had never believed Catherine could cook as well as she did; the pasta had been perfect, the sauce was from scratch, the bread fresh and homemade, and the salad was one with heated spinach leaves, mushrooms, eggs and strawberries, which sounded odd, but was one of the most delicious things he had tasted in a while.
He pushed his chair back from the table and yawned. “That was great.”
She blushed at his comment. He loved how easily he affected her. “Thanks. I suppose now you’re going to go lie down belly-up in bed?”
“Just after I undo my belt.”
Lindsay chuckled. Gil talked to the little girl for a little bit while Catherine cleared the table. When the little girl yawned, Catherine bent down and kissed the top of her head. “Do you want me to put a movie in, Linds?”
“Nah,” she shook her head. “I think I’ll go play with my dolls for a bit.”
“Okay,” she kissed her daughter again, before the girl left them. Catherine looked at Gil, meeting his eyes with hers, not letting him back away. “We should talk now.”
“Yes.”
“You told me not to let you back out of this. I’m not going to.”
He smiled. “Good.” He tried to muster up his courage, but telling her what he had to tell her was going to be difficult. “Let’s go sit down in the living room.”
“Okay.”
Once seated, Catherine put her hand on his arm. Gil smiled. She was reaching out—something she hadn’t been able to do since she was attacked. “Catherine, I don’t know how you’re going to react to this, but I hate hiding things from you. We’ve always had this open, honest relationship, despite a couple of glitches, and I need to come forth and say what I have to say.”
She looked at him, her eyes wavering from his eyes to her hands. She looked confused. To save her from racing over possibilities, he continued: “Catherine, I’m losing my hearing.”
Her eyes widened, and then she nodded, accepting it. “How long have you known?”
“A while now. I haven’t told anybody.”
“It explains a lot,” she said, scooting closer to him. Her body was so close; he wanted to bury himself in her and find the comfort he longed for, but neither of them was ready to open up like that yet. “Like why you didn’t hear me, your cell phone... why you asked that fancy lawyer to repeat herself... why you don’t collect evidence as much anymore.” She took his hands in hers. “I’m glad you told me.”
“Me, too,” he offered her a sad smile. “I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hear, but by the end of the year, I will probably lose most of my hearing, if not all.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Not run away.”
“You and I keep thinking the other one will run,” she smiled, slipping back a little. She wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace. “You didn’t run, and I don’t intend to.” He allowed himself to fall against her. On her shoulder, he felt accepted. “Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it.”
“Don’t move for a second,” he responded. “I think I might cry.”
He heard her gasp. Slowly, she lowered herself down a bit so they were both more comfortable, and he was resting on top of her. There, in her arms, he felt his eyes start to water. He hadn’t cried in so long. There weren’t any sobs, but the tears ran down his face. She ran her hands up and down his back, stopped every once and a while to caress his hair and face. She wiped his tears occasionally. “You’ve always got me,” she whispered, kissing the top of his head. “I’m not easy to shake.”
He chuckled. “Thanks, Cath.”
~*~
A week later, Catherine was waiting at the window again. Things had been changing so much between her and Gil, she found it hard to keep up. After seeing Gil cry, she had vowed that she would protect him as he was prone to protecting her. He told her it wasn’t necessary; but they both knew she would be looking out for him. They talked about his options, what he could do about work and other such things. She convinced him not to take action yet; if he resigned, which was one of his options, she knew that the team wouldn’t be the same. They all needed him and his expertise. She just needed him, and wasn’t ready for him to go anywhere.
“Lindsay!” She called when she saw his SUV pull into the driveway. “Gil’s here! Do you have your surprise ready?”
The blonde bounded into the room, eyes glittered with excitement. “Uh huh! Where is he?”
“He hasn’t come in yet.”
“Oooh, I want him to hurry!”
Catherine grinned. She was excited, too. She had a nice evening planned for Gil, one much similar to the one he planned for her when she needed to be pampered. When he came through the door, Catherine greeted him with a hug; they had become so much closer physically that it was a custom to hug before saying hello. She felt him nuzzle her neck, shivers crept up her spine.
“Uncle Gil!” Lindsay jumped up and down on the spot until Gil swooped her up in his arms. “I missed you!”
“I missed you, too.” He bounced her up his hip a little bit to hold her better. “What have you been up to lately?”
With a giddy grin plastered on her face, she lifted her hands and began to sign: *We have a surprise for you!*
His eyes widened. He glanced at Catherine, who smiled and signed with her own hands: *We’re still learning. Go easy.* She saw his eyes mist over, she knew it touched him. “Gil... we wanted to do something, to show you how important, to show you how we were going to help.”
*Thank you.* He signed back, smiling at both of them. When Lindsay recognized the gesture, she signed back. *You’re welcome.*
“Well,” he said while taking his shoes off, without putting the girl down. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Well,” Catherine smiled up at him. “You could start by saying ‘That smells so good, what are you cooking?’ and then you could end the night by saying how amazing I am, after you have your massage and nap.”
“I get a nap?”
Lindsay replied. “Actually, a movie, but we figured you’d wanna fall asleep.”
He half-smiled and set her down. “Well, I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”
“Just for being you,” she smiled, leading the way into the kitchen. *We love you,* she signed to him. *You’re important, and we don’t want you going anywhere.*
He blushed a little. She noticed how his pupils dilated when his cheeks flushed. “I think you’ve made yourself perfectly clear.”
The End!
